me & madison

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

I'm not sure which word describes how I feel best, releaved, happy, confident, not crazy...Our custody case is finally done. when we first went to court 3 years ago there was so much I didn't know, and let me tell you I can probally cite almost every custody law, stipulation off hte top of my head now that is out there, the last year has been hell, feeling like lawyers courtrooms and stress were never going to end feeling like shawn was going to get to use Madi to control me forever, or worse yet that I would lose her.
But it's finally done and I have my baby girl and no fears anymore. The judge was extremly harsh with her dad to put it mildly--called him a spoiled brat that has no idea how to be a parent or how to put anyone ahead of homself, and comened me for my parenting skills, and my complete love for my child and for always doing what is best for her with my own feelings put aside. he lost a lot more acess and strick stipulations were put on the access he does have. such as he gets her tuesday nights for a visitation but only to attend an extracircullar activity of my choice if she does not attend he loses that acess time.( ihave pifcked swim lessons-the judge said this is so he can begin learning that madi id most important and how to be an active involved parent.--which by the way tonight would have been his first tuesday but he had baseball practise which he determined to be more important so as usal Rob and I went with her and explained why daddy couldn't come.
The other was he has all parental rights and responsilites stripped from him I have the final decison in all aspects of her life including all major medical(which is rare fathers uslly get this)
No more fighting about which doctor, which medication , if surgery should occur, trying to expalian specalists recommendations to him when he doesn't show up for appt's and then argues the course of treatments decided on .
I also now can begin to live my life and finally Rob and I can move on with oour life together with Madison, as he has been fighting us moving into Rob's for the last few years. Her dad actully brought it up to the judge he didn't feel it was right that Rob be in a parental position when she has a dad , the judge said that Madi and I are increadibly lucky to have someone who loves us both so unconditnally, and is more than able and has already stepped up to the plate raising Madi with me and that shawn should be thankful that she has a good role model who picks up where he fails. And she is right the last few years over and over agin Rob drops everything for Madi , he could'nt love her more if she was his own child,
Still with all the security i have fought for , for Madi part of me still feels sad that her dad just isin't capable of putting his anger aside and being a good dad, I wish she could have the best of both worlds but I know this isn't possible, and I do everything I can to make her life better after the hell she has been through. She's my baby and for the first time since our separation before she was 2 I can say she's my girl and will now stay my girl.
I hope as she gets older she will see and understanf everything I do is for her and having her dad's rights very restricted through the courts was a lenghty complicated emotinal process but the best chance I had at raising her.
Raising a child is not easy , but has been beyond difficult , madi has health issues is on 6 perscriptions minamal daily , requires a lot extra mointering and care, I have done this on my own since she was a baby, as well fought6 every step of the way with her father to be able to lead our lives which he used his joint custody status to control, and now it's just me and Madi and our choices and our lives.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Our crazy weekend... have i mentioned before the amount of busy we are4 constantly?Here's an overview of or weekend(just for you heather)
It started out on friday with octoberfest starting I waitress in a bar and grill about 5 minutes away from downtown kitchener where it all happens so I am usally done around 2:30 in the afternoon this day i ended up having to leave a message on Rob's cell" when your done work at 5 can you pick madi up at her sitters and watch her and put her to bed I'll be late" so he did and brought her in to work to have dinner and see me , she had a blast cloring with my boss trying on ocktoberfest clothing entertaing all the patrons as a 4 year old would... Saturday i had to open the bar at work Got up ay 6am(mind you I didnt get done till after midnight on fri) quick showerwake rob up give the Madi instructions fro the day. and off to work for a crazy day.
Their day consisted of out for breakfest , visiting people, a trip to their favorite secret park( i'm not allowed there) and a nap and dinner, I think they skipped lunch ( but it was on the list I left!)
I finshed work at 5:30 rushed home and we went to the rockton fair
Watched a dog talent show, crash up derby (madi's fav.) ran into madi's friend from kindergarten the girls went on tons of rides (will post pics when I get them) pony rdie played games won Dollar store prizes for about 10 bucks each!!won 3 gold fish to go in our tank, still not sure how humane it is to give live fish as prizes ate fair food( which was my breakfast lunch and dinner) and home bed around 12.
Sun woke up groceries cleaning cooked our routine sun breakfast , eggs, pancakes french toast bacon fruit--- it usally ends up being brunch!! madi and i bked an apple pie together(now I need to re clean again!) and dinner at my parents, tomorrow oktoberfest parad, bingamens to see dora and deigo and play at funworks and dinner at rob's parent , madi's dad wants to see her too so we have to fit that in ..,maybe...

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

busy...

Today I volunteered on madi's first feild trip. her class went to an apple orchard, or as madi would put it her trip to the "apple torture". It was great very wet but great. We woke up and it was pouring rain so we thought the trip would be cancelled, but luckily it was still on. it was a weird feeling seeing her get on her first school bus ride, the kids were all very excited, (parents follwed in their own cars), my group consisted of madi and two friends , then another little girl decided she wanted to be in our group. it's amazing watching the kids interact with eachother. in the end Madi didn't want to take the bus back she didnt like it --too bumpy so I drove her back. The first month of school is done and time is flying by.
We have swimming on tuesdays , dance on wednesdays, thursdays I volunteer in her class, thurs nights madi goes to her dad's the winter session for gymnastics and skating lessons is staring soon so we are crazy busy never mind working cleaning cooking being a parent and a person there;s not much time left. Our custody trail starts in 2 weeks so Im spending many full days at my lawyers being preped, and working all kinds of odd shifts to make up for those days.
they say the younger years fly by and they do you have a baby and all of a sudden she's almost 5, in what seems like no time!
This weekend we have the rockton fair-- dog show, crash up derby , trip to yee haw halloween farm and the octoberfest parade, and 2 thanksgiving dinners and a play date pizza party at one of madi's new friends houses. never mind whatever else comes up this weekend . amazing how busy a 4 1/2 year old's social calender can be!!