me & madison

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

I'm not sure which word describes how I feel best, releaved, happy, confident, not crazy...Our custody case is finally done. when we first went to court 3 years ago there was so much I didn't know, and let me tell you I can probally cite almost every custody law, stipulation off hte top of my head now that is out there, the last year has been hell, feeling like lawyers courtrooms and stress were never going to end feeling like shawn was going to get to use Madi to control me forever, or worse yet that I would lose her.
But it's finally done and I have my baby girl and no fears anymore. The judge was extremly harsh with her dad to put it mildly--called him a spoiled brat that has no idea how to be a parent or how to put anyone ahead of homself, and comened me for my parenting skills, and my complete love for my child and for always doing what is best for her with my own feelings put aside. he lost a lot more acess and strick stipulations were put on the access he does have. such as he gets her tuesday nights for a visitation but only to attend an extracircullar activity of my choice if she does not attend he loses that acess time.( ihave pifcked swim lessons-the judge said this is so he can begin learning that madi id most important and how to be an active involved parent.--which by the way tonight would have been his first tuesday but he had baseball practise which he determined to be more important so as usal Rob and I went with her and explained why daddy couldn't come.
The other was he has all parental rights and responsilites stripped from him I have the final decison in all aspects of her life including all major medical(which is rare fathers uslly get this)
No more fighting about which doctor, which medication , if surgery should occur, trying to expalian specalists recommendations to him when he doesn't show up for appt's and then argues the course of treatments decided on .
I also now can begin to live my life and finally Rob and I can move on with oour life together with Madison, as he has been fighting us moving into Rob's for the last few years. Her dad actully brought it up to the judge he didn't feel it was right that Rob be in a parental position when she has a dad , the judge said that Madi and I are increadibly lucky to have someone who loves us both so unconditnally, and is more than able and has already stepped up to the plate raising Madi with me and that shawn should be thankful that she has a good role model who picks up where he fails. And she is right the last few years over and over agin Rob drops everything for Madi , he could'nt love her more if she was his own child,
Still with all the security i have fought for , for Madi part of me still feels sad that her dad just isin't capable of putting his anger aside and being a good dad, I wish she could have the best of both worlds but I know this isn't possible, and I do everything I can to make her life better after the hell she has been through. She's my baby and for the first time since our separation before she was 2 I can say she's my girl and will now stay my girl.
I hope as she gets older she will see and understanf everything I do is for her and having her dad's rights very restricted through the courts was a lenghty complicated emotinal process but the best chance I had at raising her.
Raising a child is not easy , but has been beyond difficult , madi has health issues is on 6 perscriptions minamal daily , requires a lot extra mointering and care, I have done this on my own since she was a baby, as well fought6 every step of the way with her father to be able to lead our lives which he used his joint custody status to control, and now it's just me and Madi and our choices and our lives.


  • At 3:22 AM, Anonymous Jan said…

    Bonnie, I'm so glad things are finally settling down for you - you've been so persistent and have kept Madi on the top of the list. That's huge and you deserve to be commended for that. The proof is in the pudding, so they say. Don't look back and don't feel guilty for the decisions you've made. Madi *will* some day understand that you've done everything in her best interests. I've recently faced some issues with my biological father and my mom had to go through all those feelings all over again. We assured her that it's OK. So, Congratulations - you're a good Mom!

    Madi looks gorgeous in her costumes. We should get the girls together to play someday soon...


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